February 9, 2016

You're Entitled, You Were a Victim

At times I will interrupt sharing my journey, by sharing lessons and insights I learned while I traveled through my dark tunnel of healing.  The lesson of feeling entitled was something I had to overcome.

To this very day, I sometimes get that entitled feeling.  When I play the lottery, I say, "Come on, I deserve it, for everything I've lived through."  The difference is, nowadays when I get that feeling, it gives me a chuckle.

I think everyone occasionally gets the entitlement feeling for one reason or another, but I think people who have been abused or bullied get it more often than others. 

We feel like the heavens should look more favorably upon us and grant us a little more good fortune than others because of all the pain we have endured and survived.  The key word though is "Survived."

It took me a while to realize that despite all the pain I had to endure and despite the loss of a childhood, I was extremely and magnificently lucky and blessed.  Let me remind you how blessed and lucky you are as well.

Each year roughly 1,700 children die from abuse and neglect.
Each year roughly 4,000 women die at the hands of an abusive spouse or boyfriend.

If you are alive and reading this you are extremely and magnificently blessed and lucky.  You not only survived, but are alive with the whole world and life ahead of you.

It's so easy to sit back and feel sorry for ourselves, but it takes less than a minute to realize how blessed we are.  Sure, the journey to healing is hard and painful, but at least we are here to heal, to chase our dreams, to break the chain of abuse, to help others, to experience the beauty of life each and every day, to find new life and love.  Yes, we have been abused, but we were also blessed to survive.

Now what do you do with the magnificent gift of surviving?  Do you wallow in your pain, seeking constant sympathy from others?  Repeat the cycle of abuse?  Take from others what you so strongly believe you are entitled to and waste your blessing sitting in jail?  I suppose these are some of the easier paths to take.  I personally decided to face not only my pain, but all the ugliness that threaded my mind like fine silk that was spun by abuse.

I think one of the most difficult things to do in life is to look at yourself and say, "Im so screwed up.  Its painful.  More importantly, its liberating because its the key to healing.

Do I still feel entitled?  I sure do.  I feel entitled to feel safe. I feel entitled to be emotionally and mentally healthy.  I feel entitled to be happy and at peace.  I feel entitled to express myself, to be healthy and to live my life because I've worked my whole life to reach the light at the end of my tunnel. 

Are you entitled to a happy life and love?  Yes.  All you have to do is work to achieve it, and along your journey you will find life is waiting to embrace you, because you earned it.