March 16, 2016

Can You Give Me a Positive? Amen

Last summer while taking the bus downtown, I sat across a woman who looked like she had just come from the gym and was obviously a body builder.  She looked magnificent and happy.   I could feel the positive energy radiating from her.   I couldn't help but smile looking at her because she reminded me of all the positive people that came into my life throughout my journey.

In our journey to heal it’s so important to surround ourselves with positive people because they have a great understanding of motivation, conviction, strength and how to live life to the fullest.  Positive people don't complain when things get difficult.  Instead they find the positive in a negative situation and plow right through it.

For example, many times when I was feeling sorry for myself, it was a positive friend and sometimes even a stranger, that would help remind me how blessed I was by reminding me that I had my health and the whole world in front of me to accomplish whatever I set my mind to.

A friend of mine who was a very positive woman once told me to pull myself up and stop feeling sorry for myself, because I was blessed to escape the abuse and I had the chance to live life on my terms with no more pain.

I won't sit here and tell you that the positive messages always sunk in immediately, and that just talking to a positive friend or stranger automatically made me feel better, but I will tell you that the positive people that came into my life had a tremendous impact on my life and the choices I made.

While sometimes their words or advice didn't automatically create a great feeling inside of me, when I took time to think about their words or advice, it always made a huge difference in how I felt and how I perceived life and how I would continue my journey to heal.

We always have a choice on how we are going to heal.  We can take the long and more painful path by following the old cliche, Misery Loves Company, and surround ourselves with people who will feed our need for sympathy, and make us feel okay for feeling sorry for ourselves.  Or, we can seek out people who have a positive attitude about life, and listen to their motivational words and advise how to tackle negative emotions or situations, so that over time we are changing the negative thought process and behavior that we learned from being immersed in an abusive environment.

As victims of abuse, and that includes being bullied, because it is a form of emotional, mental and often times physical abuse, we have to acknowledge that in order to heal we must undertake behavior modification, because even though we are not abusers, the abuse we were subjected to ingrained a negative way of thinking, which leads to negative behavior. 

Surrounding ourselves with positive people, and immersing ourselves in positive situations, such as school, or even taking a class for fun, such as cooking or swimming, or going to the gym, opens the door to not only meeting positive people, but also to observing and learning positive behavior.

It’s my personal belief that life is full of more positive than negative.  We simply have to seek it out and soak up as much of it as we can.  Through positive people and positive surroundings your journey in healing will be so much easier and fulfilling.

The greatest positive way to live life is to remember that each day is a new beginning.  Every day is a new opportunity to find ourselves and recreate ourselves to become the happy and fulfilled human we all deserve to be.

It’s okay to feel sorry for ourselves once in a while.  It’s okay to throw ourselves a pity party once in a while.  It’s only when the pity party becomes a daily routine that we are participating in unhealthy and negative behavior which will never lead to healing.

Not long ago a friend and I had pity party together.  We spent half the day talking, complaining and feeling sorry for ourselves.  In the end we looked at each and laughed and my friend said, “Well, that was a hell of a pity party.”  We laughed , hugged and reminded each other that everything was going to be okay, because we were strong beautiful women and nothing was ever going to keep us down.

That’s how you end a day of feeling sorry for yourself.  Laugh it off and then remind yourself of all your amazing strengths and how far you’ve come in life.

It’s okay if today wasn't a great or perfect day, tomorrow is a new beginning.  Tomorrow is another chance to grab life and make it great.

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